Saturday, July 25, 2009

Today... turning out to be a tough day. I don't know why. It just hits me from out of nowhere! It guess it is to be expected though. I just want to go back to bed and forget that my baby girl is gone. I am gonna try to make it to Mark's gig tonight. I think I will go after they play Karissa's song, a song that was written just after she died. I don't think I could make it through. I don't feel strong enough today.

Today is one of those days where I just want to close the door to her room and take down all of her pictures. It is one of those days where I would rather have her back, broken, then have her gone, healed and whole, with no pain.

Today I went into her room and opened her closet. I smelled some of her clothes. They don't smell like her any more. I looked at her shoes. Untouched since I put them away on July 7th, 2008. I thought I was almost ready to go through her room. Guess not. That's all for today.


  1. I'm sorry you're having a tough day Adrianne. I'm praying that it gets better. I hope you do come to the gig tonight. It would be nice to see you!

  2. Hi Adrianne,

    I am so so sorry to know of your loss which nothing on earth can ever replace. I feel your loss and pain. I am also a mother of one child. My son, 21 year old this year also had his first grand mal seizure last July. So, in a way, I am also reminded of my son's first seizure after a year. It is not a nice reminder at all but I have already come to terms with it with God's help.

    I am a person with epilepsy for more than 30 years. My son was normal until July last year. My son is still gripping with the fact that he is also epileptic and he still finds it hard to take it in cos he has come of age and life is just starting to take a full swing.

    I honestly hope you can make it to your hubby's gig and lean on God's strength to help you lead your days normally and happily. We cannot revert the past. It has happened for reasons that only God knows.

    I am also an epilepsy activist. Speaking and talking about epilepsy is important cos the more I talk about it the better a person I am in coping with epilepsy.

    Do not let "epilepsy"be in your way. Take control of your life. There is still a lot more in your life than what it is in the present.


    Serene Low

  3. Hi,

    Thank you so much for visiting my blog. I am very appreciative. Are you feeling better now? Even if you are not, I can understand cos the scars from loosing a love one is extremely difficult to bandage.

    Last year I lose my dad, my aunt and my mum in law. Three love ones in a year. It was such a testing, trying and difficult year for me. I cried and cried so so hard. My chest ached and hurt so terribly. Despite my anguish and grief, God told me that my life should still go on like normal cos he assured me that there is no storm that he won't help me conquer and defeat. No storm is too big for God. So, with God's grace and love for me together with my loving husband and son's support, I picked up myself and started to walk properly again, not wanting to allow my husband and son to be bogged down too much by my sorrows and sad burdens. I decided we should be a happy family again.

    Today, when I reflect back on last year, I know God had made me a much much stronger person in mind and soul.

    Wishing you quicker healing days.

    God Bless.

    Serene Low

  4. Hi,

    I am glad to know you are happy I found your blog. I was searching for epilepsy blogs randomly in Google. I stumbled upon yours. I read your posting and felt moved to share with you my side of the story which had some similarities with yours.

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE and so am I.

    I live in a country (Malaysia) where epilepsy awareness is close to nil. I am saddened by this and had decided to take it on my own to start talking about epilepsy. It was harrowing for me to find out that our local epilepsy society is nothing more than an empty shell.

    Networking is very important. Staying connected is a powerful tool for you and me to be epilepsy activists. Because I talk about epilepsy whenever I can to anyone I come across, words had been going round and people who wanted to know more about epilepsy had made arrangements for me to meet up and give epilepsy talks. Apart from that, words about my cause and me had reached a local leading newspaper columnist who was very keen to talk to an epilepsy activist.

    I had been writing epilepsy articles and some of them have been published in the local paper. Friends of my friends have widened my scope of awareness work by getting me into schools and colleges to give talks because they have dear ones with epilepsy studying in such places. They knew the importance of education about epilepsy.

    So start talking non stop about epilepsy whenever you can. Let words get out about your cause and good intentions. Wait for surprising and magical moments to happen.

    My email address is in my blog profile. You can email me at Cheerio.