Friday, February 24, 2012

The grass is always greener...

Today, Mark & I found out that our last and probably final round of IVF did not work. Two weeks ago, I had two absolutely beautiful embryos transferred to my uterus in hopes that one, or both would implant and start to grow. Like always, the embryologist was so optimistic and said that our embryos were the best looking embryos of our 11, even better than the embryos that became Preston & Ethan. She even went as far to say they looked a bit "twinsy!" Yikes!

I had no clue what the results of the pregnancy test were going to be. I had the signs and symptoms of early pregnancy, such as sore boobs and extreme fatigue. Unfortunately, these symptoms were the result of the massive amount of hormones I was either injecting into my ass with a needle the size of Texas or sticking up other places.

Today my mind and heart are racing with so many thoughts and emotions. I am resentful of the women, that, oops!!, gets pregnant just like that. Or, the women that get pregnant only after trying for a few months. Or, the women that will never know how painful an IVF cycle can be. Yes, I know it was my choice to go through IVF and that there are other options, but I still get very resentful that I will never know what it's like to miss a period, pee-on-a-stick and see two lines. Must be nice.

Now that I've unleashed my anger...

I am also reminded of every woman that will never get to experience a pregnancy, give birth and hold their baby for the first time, a truly magical moment. I am reminded of women, who at the age of 30, have  had a hysterectomy and literally had their dream of ever carrying a child ripped out of them. I have no idea how emotionally painful that must be.

I know there are women who would give anything to be where I am. I realize that I am blessed to have two perfect little boys that are amazing and remind me never to take anything in this life for granted, even the tiniest of all things. Yes, I was hoping to get pregnant again and have another baby but when I look at my boys, they remind me that I need to be content right where I am.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Almost forgot...

I forgot to post these Christmas pictures in the previous post. This will be the last post about Christmas, I promise. :~)



~Classic family photo in front of the Christmas tree~
~Preston, Ethan & I with Karissa's tree in the background~



Friday, February 17, 2012

Christmas 2011. Part 3. The End.

The day after Christmas we celebrated with Mark's side of the family. Our house was full of people...quite chaotic but tons of fun! This Christmas will always be a memorable one as we celebrated with two new family members. Our new niece Riley (my sister's new baby) and our new nephew Jack. Who know's what's in store for Christmas 2012...


~Grandpa & Jack
~Ethan & Isaiah~
~Brian & Jack~
~The Fam~
~I think Sophia loves her jam jams!

~I think Abi likes her jam jams too!~
~Pretty Ella~
~I love how serious they both look~

~Sweet baby~

Christmas 2011. Part 2.

This post is gonna be just a bunch of fun pictures. After Christmas morning at our home, Mark and I and the boys went to my parents house to celebrate with my sister Chelsea, her husband Robby and Riley. Growing up, our tradition as a family was to have a huge breakfast. We try to do our best to continue the tradition with everyone. I love Christmas!

~The ladies and gentlemen~
~Cake pops I made~
~Preston is ready for presents!~


~Riley with her daddy~
~My gorgeous niece Riley~
~Guess he didn't like his present?~
~Books make the best gifts!~
~Where's Ethan?~



~My daddy!~
~Ethan & his froggy. He took it with him
everywhere the rest of the day!~

~Quite the contemplative one~

~Blowing kisses!~
~The fam~


~Cake balls, or drops of heaven~

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Christmas 2011. Part 1.

I'm finally posting pictures from Christmas! Yay! Most of the pictures are from Christmas morning. There are a few with Karissa's tree as well. This Christmas I didn't go all out crazy like I normally do. I did more decorating outside instead.

On Christmas morning, we started by opening our presents, stockings first. The boys weren't as mesmerized by all the wrapping paper and boxes like I had wished. There's always next year. :~) Following our presents, we devoured our homemade cinnamon rolls. Yummy!!

We have started a few traditions but I would love to have many, many more. One of my favorite traditions is that we buy an ornament to hang on Karissa's tree so she will always be remembered during the holiday season. I actually started this tradition last year. When the boys are old enough, I hope to have them each pick out an ornament for their big sister to hang up on the tree. Enjoy the pictures!
~Karissa's tree~
~I adore this picture. Ethan is looking at one of Karissa's handmade ornaments on her tree~


~Ornament a very special friend made for me~
~Karissa's precious hand print~
~Angel~