It was another gorgeous day, or night rather. If you have never been to Disneyland during the Christmas season, you are really missing out. It's absolutely breathtaking! The castle and all the lights are spectacular! And the fake snow is pretty cool too!
Anyways, Mark, the boys and I were hanging out on Main Street taking in all the gorgeous surroundings when I just started crying. Like, seriously crying. I think there is a theme developing here. Will there ever be a time when I go to Disneyland and not shed a tear? Lol!
The tears were flowing because my heart was filled with an abundant amount of joy! After Karissa died, I never thought I would have that kind of joy ever, EVER again. But there I was, with my family, with my two boys, doing the fun stuff you do when you have kids. I wasn't entirely confident that I would ever have that joy and happiness again, meaning, I wasn't sure if we'd ever have more kids to enjoy all the wonderful things that children bring to life. But, there I was, feeling not only overwhelmed with happiness but with gratitude that I have two amazing kids and an amazing husband. That I have many great years ahead making memories with my boys! That life seemed a little bit back to, should I even say it, normal. As a side note, I really hate that word because my life will never be completely back to normal after losing my sweet Karissa.
After Karissa died, living life as childless couple was very difficult and just plain horrible. No more park days, no more kid activities, no family activities/events to attend, etc... It was even hard to be around anyone with kids, especially our friends with children the same or similar in age to Karissa. Life changed overnight. Literally.
Losing a child gives you an entirely different perspective on life and how you live it. You see everything differently. While I want Karissa back with me everyday, I am thankful that I got 3 1/2 years with her. She blessed me and has made living life with Preston and Ethan, her baby brothers, that much richer.
|~Ethan and Finding Nemo~|