Friday, January 8, 2010

The Chair

This is the chair that I would sit in, holding Karissa, after a rough morning of seizures. I remember just holding her and stroking her sweet little face and hair. That is all she wanted after having a terrible morning of seizures.

This is the chair I would sit in to read "Goodnight Moon" to Karissa and sing her sweet lullabies. The place where I would hold her and do 'tickle arms.' The place where I would sit and work on different tasks with Karissa.

Or the place I would sit when I would visit with one of Karissa's Early Start Teachers. Instead of having our planned home visit, due to a rough morning of seizures, Karissa's teacher would bring over Starbucks and we would sit and talk while I just held Karissa.

This is the same chair that I sat in 18 months ago, on July 8th, 2008, and the weeks following, surrounded by family and friends, mourning our tragic loss. The same place we sat when we were planning Karissa's memorial.

I have had countless talks with different friends, while sitting in that chair...talking about all the good memories, crying, laughing and, if I am being completely honest, cursing God for taking my little girl away.

Now I sit in that chair and watch the world pass me by, even though it feels like time has just stopped. But time hasn't stopped...18 months have passed. It is the place where I think and pray, read and cry and I dream about the future.

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