...and I thought getting through Christmas was gonna be tough!

I love Christmas...the traditions, both new and old, the lights, the food, the music, ect... I especially love decorating my enormous house, both inside and out. Every year I have added a little bit more to my decorating. I may be a bit over the top but our house looks gorgeous and I love it!

We started some traditions with Karissa and we loved it! We bought her a new dress every Christmas, had pictures taken and sent out cards to family and friends. I bought her every kind of Christmas pajama at Target and Children's Place. The kind with the feet were my favorite. Those were just some of the special things we did during the season.

This last Christmas I didn't do one single thing to celebrate the season. No lights, no music, absolutely nothing! But wait, I did light one candle...does that count? Anyways, I didn't even want to think about going through the holidays without Karissa. I told Mark that I didn't know how I was going to make it through. Needless to say, I was so relieved when Christmas was over!

Today I had another tough day. I have been crying pretty much all day. A year ago we were getting ready to go on what would be our last vacation with Karissa. I remember packing all her little outfits, one for each day and each with matching shoes and hair accessories. I made all her special meals and carefully planned out her menu for the week. I made sure she would have her special ladybug blanket with her and of course, she had a different kind of pajama for each night. I brought a big bag full of her favorite toys and books...oh how she loved books!

Anyways, this afternoon I was sitting with Mark, crying so hard my body was shaking. I looked at him and said "I thought getting through Christmas was gonna be tough. This is so much worse!"