Saturday, November 21, 2009

Roller coaster. Revisted.

I am taking a break from epilepsy awareness posts. Today is another horrible day. I hate the roller coaster that I am riding. The perpetual roller coaster that defines my life, for now anyways and probably forever. I wish the ride would come to stop, at the top of course. But the reality is that there will always be good and bad days, ups and downs.

I am not sure what triggered the whirlwind of intense emotions today. Probably a number of things...the holidays, the hope of things to come, or not, the dark cloud of depression that I struggle with on a daily basis, or maybe the fact that I feel like the worst wife in the entire world, especially today.

I keep listening to "Fix You" by Coldplay. I haven't listened to it since Karissa died because I knew that it would bring me to tears. And not just a few tears but the kind of sobbing that makes your eyes look swollen shut, like you just suffered some strange allergic reaction. I find lots of different, even eccentric meanings in songs. The way I interpret lyrics is sometimes quite abstract. This one is pretty straightforward.

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