A few weeks ago we found out that we will be having two boys, not the girl and boy we were initially expecting. After we were told the second baby was a boy, I went completely numb. I really don't remember anything else that happened during the ultrasound. I am still trying to process the fact that I will be having two boys. I cannot quite wrap my mind around the idea. I am still hoping that when I go to deliver my babies, I will pop out a girl.
Just to give you a glimpse into my mind, this is how I am processing things:
I have prayed from the very beginning of this whole process that I would get pregnant. After 2 failed attempts, we were successful. I prayed for twins. Again, my prayer was answered. I have prayed every day since the day we got pregnant that God would protect the little lives growing inside me. I prayed specifically for each of their developing hearts, brains, kidney, and please dear God no seizures. At our last ultrasound, we were told that we have two healthy babies. More answered prayers. I know I have no right to complain. I know I am truly blessed. I realize that it is a miracle that we are even pregnant to begin with. Everyday I am constantly reminding my myself that God is the only one that knows what I need. He has a knowledge of things way beyond my understanding. That is how I am processing things at the moment.
Anyways...
While nothing or no one will ever replace my sweet little Karissa, I had imagined that having another little girl would be like having a little taste of Karissa back in my life. But, maybe having a girl would be harder than I would expect. I had planned to use Karissa's things for her little sister. But, as I am slowly sifting through her things, I don't know if I could actually use them. I don't know if I could bring myself to wash her things for her little sister to use. So, maybe it is better this way. I don't know. My grieving heart is so full of emotions.
Anyhow, here are the long-awaited pictures.
Just to give you a glimpse into my mind, this is how I am processing things:
I have prayed from the very beginning of this whole process that I would get pregnant. After 2 failed attempts, we were successful. I prayed for twins. Again, my prayer was answered. I have prayed every day since the day we got pregnant that God would protect the little lives growing inside me. I prayed specifically for each of their developing hearts, brains, kidney, and please dear God no seizures. At our last ultrasound, we were told that we have two healthy babies. More answered prayers. I know I have no right to complain. I know I am truly blessed. I realize that it is a miracle that we are even pregnant to begin with. Everyday I am constantly reminding my myself that God is the only one that knows what I need. He has a knowledge of things way beyond my understanding. That is how I am processing things at the moment.
Anyways...
While nothing or no one will ever replace my sweet little Karissa, I had imagined that having another little girl would be like having a little taste of Karissa back in my life. But, maybe having a girl would be harder than I would expect. I had planned to use Karissa's things for her little sister. But, as I am slowly sifting through her things, I don't know if I could actually use them. I don't know if I could bring myself to wash her things for her little sister to use. So, maybe it is better this way. I don't know. My grieving heart is so full of emotions.
Anyhow, here are the long-awaited pictures.
~Baby A~
~Baby A~
~Baby A~
~Baby B~
~Baby B~
~Baby B~
~Both Babies~
No comments:
Post a Comment