Saturday, March 20, 2010

"I know you're a stay-at-home mom, but what do you do with all your time?"

I used to get that quite often from those who had no kids. It was one of my biggest pet-peeves at the time. Being a stay-at-home is hard work. Definitely a full-time job. I have heard people say, after they have had kids, that they never realized how hard is was going to be and that their job outside of the home was much easier.

Obviously, I am no longer a stay-at-home mom. However, I still get the same response minus the stay-at-home mom part of course. The reaction I get when I tell people I am not working is ridiculously offensive and quite amusing all at the same time. People EXPECT and ASSUME that if you are not at home raising a family, then you obviously must be working. I hate having to feel like I have to justify myself, when quite frankly, it is really none of anyone's business.

And then, there are some who feel the need to recommend to me what I should be or could be doing with all of my time. Yes, I am not kidding, it has been done and it makes me want vomit. I know most people have the best of intentions but really? Do you really think I am that helpless that I haven't thought of things I could do to fill my time? Actually, I have formulated a list both in my head and on paper. I just haven't really done that much about it. I have talked about my ideas with Mark and a few friends.

I find myself trying to formulate an answer to the dreaded question. The sad truth is, I avoid people and places just to avoid having to hear THE QUESTION. At one point, I thought I would just lie and say I was going back to school. However, this is completely absurd considering that I have both a bachelor's and master's degree and am not really that interested in taking on more school loan debt. But hey, maybe it would get people to shut up!

Very recently, I was at lunch with a friend of mine, expressing to her my very frustrations with this. Her response was, "Just tell them you are married to a doctor and that you don't need to work." Awesome! Actually, I have thought of saying this but I don't ever want to come off as the stuck up, snotty doctor's wife who gets to stay at home and eat bonbons and watch soaps all day or go out for lavish lunches and shopping sprees. Excuse the run on sentence. The truth is, I feel blessed and very thankful that I don't have to work. I realize that I am probably one of the few people that has this luxury. I have friends and family that have lost their jobs or are close to it. So, I don't ever want to flaunt the fact that I don't need to work when others are in dire need of a job, which is why I have held off on that response until now.

But from now on, my response will be just that: "I am married to a doctor. I don't need to work." Deal with it! Ahhhh, I feel so relieved now!


  1. You go girl... I think telling them you are a doctor's wife is way less snotty than what I would probably say. LOL. You could also tell them you DO have a full time job... as a personal assistant to a wonderful doctor :)

  2. I loved this post Adrianne!! Like you, I was a wife who didn't have to work (for 9 years+ years of marriage) Although I wanted to be a "stay at home mom" more than most people could ever imagine, God had HIS own reasons for not blessing me with a precious child at that time. So, I was simply a "stay at home wife". I don't care what anyone thinks, it IS an important job taking care of our husband, family (with or without children) and our home. I am proud of you for stating your mind :) You go girl! ~Melissa