Thursday, December 31, 2009

Optimism out the window

At the strike of midnight 2 years ago, I remember sitting in our house and telling Mark "I have a feeling that 2008 is going to be a great year!" Wrong! I remember feeling very hopeful about having started Karissa on the ketogenic diet. I was hopeful to see where the diet would take us and the possibility that it could improve her learning. I was excited that maybe she would start to progress and develop. Maybe her speech and language would accelerate. Maybe she would start progressing in her fine and gross motor skills. I was hopeful for my little girl and for Mark and I to possibly get to experience just glimpse of what having a 'normal' child is like.

As you know, 2008 was the darkest year of my life. My worst fear came true. I always feared that Karissa would die of a seizure. I have never said this before, but I knew deep down in my gut that Karissa wouldn't live a long life. I hate saying it and I can't exactly remember when I felt it but I just knew. I just put in the back of my mind, hoping that I was wrong. But, my gut has ALWAYS been right.

For me, this past year hasn't been that great either. Mark disagrees with me and of course, 2009 pales in comparison to 2008. We have had our share of up's and down's and challenges this past year. I am afraid to be hopeful for the new year. Sad but true. When you get knocked down so many times, it is hard to keep getting back up and pushing forward and maintain a positive outlook on life. Anyways, that's all.

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